Why do I always say "never"? Hasn't the mantra always been to never say that? August 14, 2012 will mark 1 year since the last time I let pieces of rotting flesh of another living being dressed up in fresh spices pass through my lips and I can't help but feel truly proud of myself for spending this past year living with a higher level of consciousness.
This journey has not been without successes and failures, and as I've stated in previous posts of the same title, the path of eschewing animal products from my life is one that I am walking at my own pace. Often times I thought vegans who were so damn adamant about being 100% consistent in their purchases and appetite - or otherwise "you're just another vegetarian/omni" - were self-righteous/over-reaching zealots. And while I am a subscriber to the Peter Singer's "Paris Exemption" only to the extent of eating something vegetarian when a vegan option is not available/preferable (i.e. basic house salad and french fries) over the past few months I have come to understand Gary Francione and vegans who share his contention with exceptions, holding them to be a slippery slope - and that's putting it nicely. And... I hate to say it but continuing to eat cheese, even on occasion did develop into something wet. My guilty pleasure of Second Cup's cheese croissants triggered a series of "just this one time" excuses for buttered bagels, 3-cheese ravioli and perogies. But, thankfully, not to the biggest slip of them all - Kraft Dinner. I don't give a damn how tight money gets sometimes, I will not subject myself to powdered cheese sauce again.
Cheese became such an instant fix to all of my cravings between vegan meals that who knows what other excuses I would have made for myself if I kept on this way. By the end of March apathy had really did some damage to my morale. I got so caught up in trying to strike a balance between eating vegan and eating conveniently that I soon began to rely on the prepared - a decision that affects more than just myself - than the freshly prepared. Typically, I find the people who thrive the most while eating a plant-based diet are the ones who make time to actually make what they eat for themselves. Colleen Patrick-Goudreau among many other joyful vegans (as she likes to put it) of different stripes and walks of life suggest people need to make their personal health a priority in life otherwise we could lose out on living out our best lives from being sick and miserable - and yes, I'm looking at all of y'all self-proclaimed 'junk-food vegans' out there too. We need to be peeling off more skin from apples than the plastic wrappings of another veggie burger, you feel me?
I digress.
On one hand it felt good knowing that I did not lose enough footing to fall deeper into the abyss of unconscious thinking, but the fact that I did tore my ego to shreds for being so damn weak in my convictions. I went in search on the Internet to find support from people trying to quit this addictive stuff, and while I did find many mostly-vegan or transitioning-to-vegan people who shared my struggle there was very little support; no real advice or even some damn encouragement. So to the Vegan Police who will undoubtedly troll this post with self-righteous comments KNOW THIS: remember your story - us slower progressives didn't see the truth behind dairy and eggs at age 5 like you did, okay. The older you get the harder it is to break bad habits.
I eventually did stumble upon some advice that spoke to me, though: choose a day (a very soon date) and do 30 days. On the 31st day, if you want to indulge, so be it but look into making plans to do another 30 or 45 or 60 days real soon. If you find yourself counting down the days of when you can start eating the things you know are bad for you - not only do you have way too much time on your hands, but that's a sign of addiction. Seriously. You can tell people don't watch so much TV, don't drink so much, quit gambling... but if you tell people to quit eating cheese or dairy products in general (i.e. ice cream, yogurt, and cow milk) MANY will look at like you as if you just asked them to hold their breath forever. And that's what I generally heard for years when I first learned of what a vegan was at 16yrs old. But I did it.
Given my last contention on the matter, I never thought that my birthday - well at least not this year's birthday - would mark my last day of indulgence. The next 60 days that followed were... Imma be honest: they were hell. I started getting easily irritated at people, the smell of cheese haunted me everywhere I went (and since 90% of food is made with dairy products, I swear you can smell the stuff through any paper or plastic wrapping), I even started to dream about Alfredo sauce. Psychologists say you never know how much you love something until you have to live without it, and something tells me that the phone calls I made to my friend twice while grocery shopping regarding my hands going from sweating to shaking from the sight and smell of cheese was an indication that my reliance on cheese as a staple in my food choices bordered on textbook signs of addiction. And honestly, it was scary seeing how a simple animal by-product influenced my preference for some of my favorite foods could drive such a reaction.
ANYWAYZ... The 60 days came and went and while I did count every single day since my last piece of cheese, I wasn't running to another Second Cup to buy a cheese croissant as a reward. I kept it moving. The sweating and the shakes had subsided, the dreams were no more, and while the smell of it is still appealing I equate the idea of eating it to sprinkling bacon bits in a Caesar salad.
Have I been super-devout perfect since the 60-day swear-off? I've had a few hiccups, though none were cheese specific, and I've been cutting out a few junk-food vegan items I once felt I had to live off of in order to feel "normal", now I am incorporating more fresh and frozen fruits and veggies into my meals.
It hasn't even been a year yet and I have made so many advances in trying to make plant-based foods the cornerstone of what I consume, and make compassion apart of all my interactions with people. I know that there are many who advocate an instant switch to giving all animal products, but honestly, I love the journey that transitioning offers; all the reasons for doing so and benefits gained hold so much more meaning when you make changes at your own pace and not for others. I strive to live up to my own ideals and no one else's.
Tell me, could you give up cheese? If so, would you ever?
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